Chapter 5
Acts 5:38 And
now I say unto you, Refrain from these men, and let them alone: for if this
counsel or this work be of men, it will come to nought: 39 But if it be of God,
ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God.
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CHAPTER 5: Worldly Marriage Customs and Ideas!
Did
you ever wonder where some of our customs came from?
How about marriage customs in the United States, where did they come
from? Do these customs have any
significance to the topic of this study? Or,
are all these customs just quaint, meaningless, traditions of men?
For
example, in most mainline religious organizations today it is customary for the
father to give the bride away.
In Jewish customs both parents usually walk their daughter, “down
the aisle” so
to speak and participate in giving her away.
Even the Moslem religion adheres to the father giving the bride away.
Did you ever wonder where this tradition
of men is to be found?
Not
surprisingly, the roots of this tradition are to be found in the Bible.
I will simply say at this point, that a well documented picture emerges
in the Bible of the Father of the Bride having the privilege
of giving his daughter in marriage, or giving
her away, as it is termed in modern, western marriage ceremonies.
It
is important to note right here that, if the Father
of the Bride, and for that matter the entire family,
has the privilege of sanctifying the
marriage of a daughter (sister); then the Father
of the Bride, and by extension the entire family,
has the privilege of vetoing a betrothal.
This is an entirely overlooked principle that to my knowledge has not
been taught in the Churches of God. It
is widely recognized that under the New Covenant, that God the Father calls,
invites, or chooses the Bride for Jesus Christ.
Christ does not initiate the relationship at first.
Further, it is widely recognized that God the Father, and Jesus Christ
both can terminate this betrothal arrangement if
the Bride proves to be defective and will not fit in with the God
Family. Many parables also show
that the Bride also can terminate the relationship and choose not to participate
in the wedding ceremony at Christ’s return.
In other words, the Bride does have the right to control her own destiny
concerning the right to refuse to enter into the God
Family.
It
is important to understand that the whole family
is to work together in a governmental structure of cooperation and love.
Under God’s system, the father has the final say, but he is not to be a
dictator. This is the ideal God has
envisioned for his government and the basic building block of his nation.
In practical application, the ideal usually falls far short of
perfection, but nowhere has God ever retracted this governmental stance for the family
unit. Someone has to be in
charge or chaos will result and God places that responsibility upon the father
in a family.
The consequences of chaos and everyone doing their own thing, or what
is right in their own eyes, to use biblical terminology, is fragmentation. First, fragmentation
of the family unit and then later the entire
society or nation. Of course, this
is just what Satan wants. God is
not the author of confusion.
If
the Bible is a complete book and authority over a Christian’s life, one needs
to understand who has authority if a situation develops where a betrothal
between two young people, or dating, has to be
terminated. It must be noted, that
only in very rare circumstances does and would such a situation arise.
Normally, young people always have to some extent, and should have the
opportunity to participate (fall in love as modern society terms it) in choosing
their mates. Many creative forms of
exposing young people to each other in a stage of innocence have been tried.
Among these forms of exposure in the Churches of God would be chaperoned
dances, ski trips, and college experiences.
The Bible has examples of festivals where young people got to know each
other and in some cases these festivals were designed to show off the
prospective brides. Yes, certain festivals were held where the daughters danced
and basically, fathers brought their sons to look over these young ladies.
Can
you really imaging that a father would not listen to his son when he suggested a
young lady and showed some interest? Can
you really imagine that if Jesus Christ would make a suggestion to God the
Father concerning someone he might think would be a good addition to the God
Family that his input would be ignored? The
biblical picture is that older parents oversaw the entire betrothal.
They were not supposed to just turn their young people loose and let the
chips fall where they may, so to speak.
It was important to them, just as it is to God, who entered their family.
It is a big responsibility because who you admit into a close
family could wreak havoc or prove a blessing
beyond imagination. Parents who
have the advantage of years in practicing discernment are in a better position
to analyze certain things. They are
in a better position to evaluate and know about a prospective mate’s family
than most young people are. Young
people tend to overlook the importance of analyzing the other family.
Analyzing another family does take
time. One year is hardly enough
time to really get to know another family if
you have not known them all your life.
Frankly,
there have always been families who are
reprobate and degenerate in nature. Young
people generally operate on lust and overlook these possibilities, which may
affect their family for generations to come.
The calamity of Esau, is a
classic example of this problem. Most young people tend to think, “It will never happen to me, things will work out for the best.”
Surprise!!
Did you ever hear of Murphy’s Law? Nowhere
is the ground more fertile for Murphy’s
Law to wreak havoc than in joining
the wrong family to your family.
Remember, you marry the whole family,
not just one person. Your
prospective mate’s family has had a profound
influence upon the person you are trying to wed.
Believe me, what they learned in the other family
will effect your marriage and your relationship with your
physical family. When you are dating someone,
the tendency is to see things only at their best.
Eventually, an individual will mirror his parents.
It is widely known among professionals treating dysfunctional families
that children tend to live what they learn.
Parents of course have the greatest influence on their children.
Make no mistake, if you have see a father, you have seen the son.
Sooner or later the father will emerge.
The same goes for girls and mothers.
Quite
awhile ago a film was made called The
Adventures of Sinbad. This film
portrayed Sinbad as a swashbuckling soldier of fortune who took the assignment
of protecting a person of royal lineage who was supposed to become king.
The catch was that this candidate’s face had been turned into an image
of an iron mask by an evil sorcerer. The
setting was in Arabia of course. The
king had to beat the sorcerer to a royal crown in a special temple with a
flowing spring in it. Naturally,
this was a spring of water associated with Allah.
The sorcerer desired to be King, so he was a competitor in the race to
find the mysterious temple and secure the crown for himself.
Genesis
16:11-13 And
the angel of the LORD said to her, "Behold, you are with child, and shall
bear a son; you shall call his name Ish'mael; because the LORD has given heed to
your affliction. 12 He (Ishmael)
shall be a wild ass of a man, his hand against every man and every man's
hand against him; and he shall dwell over against all his kinsmen."
Sinbad
was joined on this quest by the royal heir and several of his mercenaries.
Also in their company was a very attractive young lady.
It was apparent that she was Sinbad’s love and delight.
Eventually, they all found the temple.
The sorcerer and Sinbad entered a sword fight to the death for the crown.
They were all that was left able to fight.
The evil sorcerer had one last trick.
He turned invisible. How can
you fight an invisible adversary? The
sorcerer was no match for Sinbad but he was invisible and took refuge in the
water spout of the spring to await an opportunity to stab Sinbad from behind
with his sword. But, the gods made
his outline visible and Sinbad of course killed this wicked man.
Sinbad
approached the pool under the water spout where the crown lay submerged.
Suddenly a vision appeared of him wearing the crown.
Sinbad was being offered the crown instead of the royal heir he was
protecting. He was faced with quite a decision. His girlfriend was beside him but her appearance would not
manifest itself in the vision, in the sacred pool. Sinbad paused for a minute, then took the crown from the pool
and held it before him. What would
he do? Sinbad looked at the crown
for a moment and then turned and placed the crown on the head of the royal heir.
Instantly, the iron mask disappeared.
Sinbad’s quest was over.
Later
while discussing the quest with his friends aboard his ship as they sailed off
to new adventures, he was asked by the young lady why he did not take the crown
for himself. Sinbad replied, “A
king cannot marry who he wills.” How
is that for real romance? Sinbad
gave up a royal crown to keep the company of this special young lady.
Yes, she was not of royal blood and he was. Royalty cannot choose who they marry and how they inherit
their crown. This is a well known
principle among royalty of the world.
Probably
the most stunning example of someone changing their mind and giving up something
they had trained for all of their life concerns Edward VIII of England.
Edward like all royalty had been the Prince of Wales, the next in line to
inherit the Royal Crown of England.
He had been specially prepared all his life and trained for this job.
Every waking moment had been in preparation for this most important
position. Yet, he changed his mind
and gave it all up. Make no
mistake; he gave up a lot and the stress he placed upon his government and
subjects was tremendous.
The
reason he had to give the crown up was because of the British Constitution.
It prohibited royalty from marrying commoners.
The British government headed by Stanley Baldwin refused to sanctify
the marriage of Edward VIII to Mrs. Wallace Warfield Simpson, a twice-divorced
American woman. Besides being a
commoner by birth, she had been twice divorced. Yet, George VIII gave up everything, all his responsibilities
to his nation and everyone in his family to
marry this woman. Doesn’t this sound great? This
is real independence and putting your own interests ahead of national interests.
This is the stuff that makes for great nations and great families.
This is the stuff Hollywood is made of.
This exemplifies a real independent thinker.
Likewise,
we can forfeit our crown. As Christians, we are to enter a Royal Family (1 Peter 2:9),
to become a Royal Priesthood and serve in positions of leadership with Christ at
his return to set up the Kingdom of God. Would
we give this awesome opportunity up to live with
a man/woman in an unsanctified
marriage? Should we give up our
crown in the Kingdom of God to live in an unsanctified
marriage? The answer of course is NO,
NO, NO, a thousand times NO!!
If we can catch a glimpse of what God has reserved as our inheritance,
only a fool (more about this later) would give up his
or her crown in the Kingdom of God for the relatively short privilege of
living in an unsanctified marriage
during this lifetime. Make no
mistake about it; God does not look kindly upon selfish
decisions that reflect a nature of tribalism at the expense of unity of national
interests. Edward VIII made a
decision that was purely selfish and lacked responsibility to something bigger
than he was. Needless to say, you
should not expect to see Edward VIII on the Mount of Olives at Christ’s Second
Advent. Edward’s untrained
brother, Albert, Duke of York had to ascend the throne and its responsibilities
and become King George VI. He was
the one who came through when the chips were down and the monarchy needed him.
Matt.
19:30 But many
that are first shall be last; and the last shall be first.
Does
this sound familiar? This is
precisely the situation that Albert, Duke of York many years ago and Prince
Charles finds himself in today concerning his adulterous
affair with another woman of common lineage.
Royalty cannot marry whomever they wish. This has been a custom for centuries. Just as there are laws in Britain protecting who inherits
the crown, the symbol of leadership, there are laws protecting who inherits
the crowns in the Kingdom of God. If
you will not ascend to your inheritance
lawfully, you will not get to ascend at all.
Today,
Prince William is in line to inherit
the Crown of England someday. This
of course is based upon the shaky presumption that Prince Charles will inherit
this crown. Prince Charles is now
Prince of Wales and next in line to inherit
this special position as King of England someday.
This is the theory, but what if he marries Camilla Parker Bowles?
Like his father before him, Prince William has spent most of his life
being specially trained for this unique
position. There has been a lot of
time and effort put into Prince William’s training, by himself as well as
others. IF,
Prince Charles would do the highly responsible and considerate act of marrying
Camilla he would loose his inheritance,
the crown his own son is destined to inherit.
Yes, the constitution of England has not changed and neither has God’s
laws.
A
person’s actions do have consequences. Not
only would Prince Charles loose this inheritance,
his son would too. All of the
effort that has been put into their special training would be in vain.
The crown would pass to the brother of Prince Charles.
Then, the offspring of Fergie would be in line to inherit
the Crown of England. The
irresponsible act of Prince Charles marrying a commoner would have far reaching
effects upon everyone for many generations.
This is precisely what the Bible documents in the case studies of
individuals who have chosen for themselves what is right and what is wrong.
Doing what is right in your own eyes can be disastrous.
Throughout
the world there are a variety of marriage customs, all ending up with people
living together and having families.
The purpose of this study is to focus on those custom we would be
familiar with in the western societies. This
would include mainstream Christianity, Islamic customs to some degree, and
Jewish customs to some degree. Suffice
it to say that Islamic customs still adhere to the biblical approach in a
general nature. Islamic marriages are mostly arranged marriages, but the
arrangements seem to be political in nature to a large degree.
There is a wide variety of customs in the various sects of the Islamic
religion concerning women, their place in society, and their rights.
Most people in the United States would probably know little of their
customs only that the women have to wear strange clothes and cover their heads
and face.
Jewish
customs include arranged marriages but have a lot of symbolism attached to the
ceremony. One of these customs with
a lot of symbolism would be the use of cups and wine. There are varying arrangements, but usually at the beginning
of the engagement or betrothal, either the groom
or both the prospective bride and groom present their prospective mate with a
cup of wine to drink. This is
supposed to symbolize the other mate agreeing to accept the other party with all
of their idiosyncrasies and the problems they might encounter together in life.
Most
of us would be better acquainted with those customs associated with the
mainstream Christian customs. It
would be appropriate here to point out that it is important for the reader to
understand that customs of men and traditions of men and/or women are just that.
They may or may not have anything to do with the biblical model and what
God intended or really would desire. Throughout
history people have tended to move farther away from God and his
way of life. This is because
Satan has deceived people throughout their generations about the importance of their
opinion in the overall scheme of things.
People have a weakness for wanting to be in control of their lives and
decisions affecting their lives. While
this is natural, the reader must constantly be aware that decisions made from a
lack of maturity and experience has the potential to prove costly for future
generations.
Oracles
of God are one thing. Traditions of
men or man’s approach to inconveniences
of biblical law is an entirely different thing.
An example of a custom of men would be what usually occurs at the end of
the marriage ceremony. Just before
the minister officially pronounces the couple married he asks a very pertinent
question. He asks if anyone has
just cause why the couple should not be united in marriage and if so speak now
or forever hold their tongue. Did
you ever think about where this idea came from?
Does it pertain to biblical ideas? If
it is really meaningless, why bother to bring the subject up at all in a wedding
ceremony?
Is
there a certain point in dating, betrothal,
and marriage where one cannot interfere or change their mind any more?
A lot of people think so. Some
hold the idea that after a certain point in dating
nobody has the right to interfere any more.
Is this biblical? I
personally would like to see the case for such thinking.
It exists nowhere in the Bible. In
civil law a person’s silence can be held against them. For example, if someone is formally writing you letters
trying to address a statutory problem, you had better answer those letters or
hire someone to help you who can. Otherwise,
if you end up in court the judge will automatically decide in favor of the
person addressing the issues. Yes,
there is a biblical case for not holding your peace concerning
marriage and betrothal.
There is no statute of limitations on when the process cannot be
preempted anymore. This is just an
idea of human reasoning apart from the Bible.
Fraud has always been a case for annulling or canceling
a betrothal or marriage. It is widely recognized by serious Bible students that if a
young lady was caught in a compromising situation with another man during her betrothal
period, she could be stoned to death. If
she showed up pregnant, it had better be with her future husband’s child.
Actually both prospective mates were by Jewish custom and biblical
standards supposed to abstain until that point they were actually married.
This can be demonstrated in the Book of Esther.
Even Esther had to go into quarantine for a long period before being able
to sleep with the King. This is
because the Kings in those days were no fools. They did not have the modern convenience of blood tests to
prove a baby was theirs. They had
to do it the old fashion way by abstaining from sexual relations until it would
be certain the child would be theirs. Remember
that not just anyone could be of royal blood and the bloodlines were protected
meticulously.
Since
God is not a respecter of persons, it holds that under the spiritual intent of
the law the bride’s side of the family can
annul or not allow a betrothal to continue if
some form of fraud would surface.
This is why it is so important to not get in a hurry during the dating
process and later betrothal period. Fraud can and often
does include a malicious misrepresentation of intentions, especially toward
another person’s physical family.
It cannot be stressed enough that most young people today have the
attitude that they are marrying the individual, not the family.
Even in God’s church, this is a predominant attitude.
Yet, there are no biblical grounds for such ideas under the spiritual
intent of God’s Laws. Yes, the bride’s family
can and should say no if fraudulent
intentions surface. They had
better, because their silence can be held against them.
It can be held against them first in allowing a decadent relationship to
be sanctified that will later fragment
a family. Then it will be held
against them, especially the father, in the day of judgement. When asked why he did not speak up concerning a reprobate
relationship, I wonder what a father caught in the awkward situation of deciding
to keep his nose out of the business of his young people will say?
It is most important to remember that under God’s
Way, the father in a family is to
provide the leadership that promotes integration
within the family and society, not fragmentation.
True
to the hectic lifestyle of the high technology age, modern dating
and betrothal is often approached very quickly.
The convenience of the moment is most important.
One of the most difficult things for anyone to do is to be able to view
history properly. What we see in
modern western culture concerning dating and
marriage is quite new. The window
of two hundred years of our nation is really a very narrow slit in the window of
human history.
Historically
speaking, women have had a very difficult time. In times past they were not the best for warfare and hard
labor which has been the lot in the life of most humans over the centuries.
This has been a field for men and as a result, Satan’s world has
reduced the value of women to practically nothing.
It is from this ingrained view that most of us view women’s roles today
and the way they are treated in the world.
Only in America and Britain do women really have what could accurately be
called any rights at all. The
recent war in Afghanistan brings to light that women have advanced little in
thousands of years in many places on this earth. In most of the world, women are just another form of property
and most of us realize this.
Children
live what they learn. This is an
important principle and it affects us all.
It affects how we view the Bible and the biblical models of how to
approach living. The tendency we
all have when we see fathers controlling the destiny of their daughters’ lives
concerning marriage is to equate this with the customs of the world that most
closely approximate this model. While
this is natural, it is important to be able to keep one’s perspective and
constantly remember that our original parents elected to choose what was right
and wrong for themselves. God
permitted it and we are all reaping the rewards for choosing for ourselves what
is right and wrong. It is also
important to realize that in many places on this earth, fathers and families
still control even the male siblings in their pursuit of a mate, not just
daughers.
God’s
laws and purpose are perfect. It is
important to separate the customs of the world from his way
of life. The approach to dating
and betrothal in the United States today is unique
in history. Never, even in the
early days of this country would a person start dating
and act the way people do. It has
not been too many years ago that if a father told a young man to leave his
daughter alone he most certainly would have done it.
Not so today. We are in the
time spoken of in the book of Second Timothy.
Even in the Churches of God respect for older people and real respect for
parents is pretty hard to find.
2
Timothy 3:1-5
But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2For men will be lovers
of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient
to parents, unthankful
(ungrateful), unholy, 3unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control,
brutal, despisers of good, 4traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure
rather than lovers of God, 5having a form
of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!
Does
not Paul perfectly describe society in the United States and Western Europe
today? If you are dating
someone who wants to rush things or steer you away from your parents’
influence, you had better watch out. You
are dating a man or woman who fits the
description above. Any combination
of these characteristics could be disastrous.
This is the description of most of the people you will meet.
They have been trained for several generations to decide for themselves
apart from biblical standards what is right or wrong, even in the Churches of
God.
Only
very recently has the technology surfaced which allowed women, with their many
talents and advantages, to become a force in the labor market.
Historically, brute force has been the dominant characteristic needed in
the labor force. Consequently, women can train and have the means to survive
if they ever need to leave an abusive situation.
In centuries past that alternative was not present, even in western
societies.
I
Need My Own Apartment
This
is probably the most dangerous idea most young people ever come up with during
college. It is an extension of
modern thinking concerning dating and betrothal.
In all fairness, back when I attended college, the sexes were not
encouraged to live in the same dormitories.
Time limits as to when the dormitory would be locked for the night
afforded some protection to what was then a society beginning to run wild, when
compared to earlier decades. Most
young people think they need to be in an apartment by their senior year in
college. They have a host of great
reasons, mostly involving finances. But,
the real reason probably stems from the desire to mate seriously.
By
the time most young people are about to graduate, they have probably entered a dating
relationship, a serious dating relationship, at
least to one of the parties involved. One
of the parties wishes to move on to marriage.
This relationship has probably been going on in some form about two
years. The problem is that no
forthcoming marriage proposal has surfaced.
This situation usually involves the girl wishing for more commitment and
the boy of course, not ready to give that commitment.
The danger stems from the desire of the young lady to move on with life.
She usually thinks life is getting away from her and she has put several
years into a relationship that seems stalled.
She does not want to enter the dating
game again. It never occurs to her
that she should have made herself more available to other prospective mates
rather than operate on the shaky presumption that the person she is dating
will not become interested in someone else or lose interest in her.
Make
no mistake, dating is tough and people do not
want to go backward. They do not want to have to start over. So, they make the mistake
of trying to do damage control and fix the relationship they should be leaving.
Young ladies usually end up compromising their standards.
This usually comes in the form of having their dates
over to their apartments. Most
young ladies will not compromise to the point of going into the bedroom with
their date at his apartment. While this is good thinking, they will compromise that ideal
at their own apartment. This of
course is not biblical.
Now
the world will tell you to take charge of your life and body, but this is a
falsehood. You will not get a young
man to marry you by going into your bedroom with him and entering a heated
session of necking. Yes, necking is
a form of fornication and this has
been preached for years by the ministry. Are
you listening? This thinking will
backfire on both boys and girls.
Most
young men are hunters and conquering the female is the target.
If you have not gotten a serious proposal after a few years you are in
the company of a hunter. It may turn out well and he will eventually commit, but do
not count on it. Usually, once he
has had his way with you he will
leave you. You can count on it! Yes,
God has given us a biblical example of a hunter in his written word.
The
example concerns Amnon, the half-brother of Tamar, a sister of Absalom:
2
Samuel 13:4- 21 (NKJV)
And he said to him, "Why are you, the king's son, becoming thinner day
after day? Will you not tell me?" Amnon
said to him, "I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister."
5So Jonadab said to him, "Lie down on your bed and pretend to be
ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, "Please let my
sister Tamar come and give me food, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may
see it and eat it from her hand."' 6Then Amnon lay down and pretended to be
ill; and when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, "Please let
Tamar my sister come and make a couple of cakes for me in my sight, that I may
eat from her hand."
Note
that Amnon needed David’s permission. You
just did not approach the King’s daughters and do what you wanted with them
without permission. They lived in
different houses or parts of the castle.
7And
David sent home to Tamar, saying, "Now go to your brother Amnon's house,
and prepare food for him. " 8So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house;
and he was lying down. Then she
took flour and kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes.
9And she took the pan and placed them out before him, but he refused to
eat. Then Amnon said, "Have
everyone go out from me. " And they all went out from him.
10Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food
into
the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand."
And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them to Amnon
her brother in the bedroom.
Note
how this predator works.
He gets her into a bedroom. Naturally
she trusts him, they are closely related. When
a boy talks you into going into a bedroom with him by yourselves, do you really
think you will fare any better than Tamar?
Amnon only had one goal, to have sex with her as we will see.
His love was in reality, just lust.
11Now
when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her,
"Come, lie with me, my sister." 12But
she answered him, "No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing
should be done in Israel. Do not do
this disgraceful thing! 13And I,
where could I take my shame? And as
for you, you would be like one of the fools
in Israel. Now therefore, please
speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you."
Note
that Tamar realizes what is going to happen.
She tries to talk him out of it. She
knows he is supposed to get permission from her father and not have sex till her
father sanctifies the marriage.
She knows this is not God’s Way of
life. She has been trained in God’s
Way all her life. She knows
that she is in danger in that bedroom. She
knows the consequences, she is about to have a disgraceful thing done to her and
she will have to bear that shame with nowhere to go.
Finally, note how she compares him to a fool. A fool
is a biblical stereotype this study will address later.
14However,
he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay
with her. 15Then Amnon hated her
exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the
love with which he had loved her. And
Amnon said to her, "Arise, be gone!"
16So she said to him, "No, indeed!
This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to
me." But he would not listen
to her. 17Then he called his
servant who attended him, and said, "Here!
Put this woman out, away from me, and bolt the door behind her."
18Now she had on a robe of many colors, for the king's virgin daughters
wore such apparel. And his servant
put her out and bolted the door behind her.
Notice
how Amnon treats her. Once he has
accomplished his goal before commitment (marriage), he immediately looses respect for her and wants to find another target.
Note that Tamar realizes the sin that has been done to her but this fool
will not listen. Young ladies, this
is exactly what will happen to you if you go with your boyfriend to a bedroom.
The minute he has his way with
you he will loose respect for you. Without
a formal marriage proposal, you can count on him being nothing but a predator. He only has
one thing on his mind, conquest. If
you enter a bedroom and lay necking and engaging in heavy petting you are about
the become “The Forlorn Hope.”
You are in dangerous territory and the way of
life you are participating in is not biblical.
Young people, in the Churches of God you have been warned for years about
this. Necking is fornication,
pure and simple. Do not think,
“It will never happen to me, he loves me.”
If he really loves you, let him do things right or not at all.
To make a successful marriage there are no shortcuts in dating
and betrothal and you had better understand this.
19Then
Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her robe of many colors that was on her,
and laid her hand on her head and went away crying bitterly.
20And Absalom her brother said to her, "Has Amnon your brother been
with you? But now hold your peace,
my sister. He is your brother; do
not take this thing to heart." So
Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house.
21But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.
22And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad. For
Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.
Note
how Tamar felt. She felt cheated
and dirty. If you get into
something like this you will feel the same way.
And do you know what? You
will deserve exactly what you get because you have been warned many times by the
church and parents. Yes, tares have
always been allowed to coexist within the Church of God.
An
added benefit to taking you boyfriend into your bedroom while your roommates are
in the house, and they will be sometimes if they live there, is that you will
fall out with them. If you do, you
are to blame. They have every right
not to expect you to do such things around them.
It is disrespectful not only
to yourself, but to your roommates. You
reap what you sow and if you are a young lady and participate in activities
warned about here, you will reap the benefits of your decisions. If you are a young man, any young man and especially if you
have been brought up in the Church of God, you had better watch out.
Yes, young men are not subject to the same emotions as young ladies and
you will soon overcome your grief and move on.
But, read the rest of 2 Samuel, chapter 13 and 14.
You will reap what you sow because God does not take such things lightly.
Such things ought not be done in Spiritual Israel.
God holds young men responsible for leadership errors.
If you teach a young lady to partake of
The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, you become a reprobate fool. A young man doing
these things will automatically develop a way
of thinking contrary to biblical standards and bring curses upon himself.
This study will examine examples of this later.
1
Corinthians 10:11
Now all these things happened unto them for examples:
and they are written for our admonition,
upon whom the ends of the world are come.
Ephesians
6:4 And, ye
fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord.
Paul
teaches that these Old Testament examples are for our admonition and that we are to learn from them.
Why do you think the account of Amnon and Tamar is in you Bible?
It is to warn young people about predators and hunters, especially young
ladies. Do not laugh this off.
This can happen to you if you practice lawlessness. Yes, all forms of fornication
are lawlessness.
When it comes to dating and betrothal,
you need to do it right and God’s Way or not
at all. The issues of not provoking your children does not mean
parents should back down in critical situations.
Many times the role of a father is not a popular one.
It goes with the territory.
What
Shall We Do?
Acts
2:37 (NKJV) Now
when they heard this, they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest
of the apostles, "Men, Women,
and brethren, what shall we do?"
Yes,
that is the question. If you are
beginning to understand the things this study is trying to show, the questions
is, what shall we do?
If you understand that you are in a reprobate relationship leading
nowhere and need out, what should you do? If
you are in a relationship that has been practicing heavy petting and various
stages of fornication, what should you
do?
If
you are in a family within the Greater
Churches of God, you as a young person are sanctified
because of your parents. You need
to stop doing what you are doing and do things God’s
Way! You need to repent and
start respecting and honoring your parents.
You need to realize that the person you are dating,
who is so charming, may be teaching you to take from The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.
You need to realize that the reasons you hear to justify the actions this
individual is talking you into following may not represent the WHOLE
TRUTH of the Bible.
Once
you are in a heated relationship with a lot of necking it will be very difficult
to change. But you need to change.
There is no biblical account of any couple ever needing to experiment and
practice necking to see if they are compatible before marriage.
This is a reprobate idea based
upon human reasoning. The biblical
model actually stresses total abstinence before marriage.
Once you start heavy petting, you will be unable to control your
emotions. An older, more
experienced predator will try to get
you to start this. It will seem
like a lot of fun at first, but you will soon find yourself under another’s
control. You are starting to trade
one set of Pushers for another set of
Pushers. You will all too soon find yourself being pushed around
again. Intimacy is strictly
reserved in God’s eyes to strengthen a marriage, not an atmosphere of dating
and betrothal.
Let the wolves show you from the Bible their case.
1
Peter 2:8-10
And a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offence, even to them which stumble at
the word, being disobedient: whereunto also they were appointed.
9 But ye are a chosen generation, a
royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should
shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his
marvellous light; 10 Which in time
past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained
mercy, but now have obtained mercy.
You
ask, what should we do? The answer
is simple. Start acting like the royalty
you have been called to be. Start
living by the laws governing the God
Family, the most Royal Line.
Peter says called out ones are part of the most Royal
Line. God’s Laws are called “The
Royal Law” in James 2:8.
If you wish to be a member of that Royal
Family you will have to obey the governmental structure of that family.
In Britain, the Queen has total authority over who Prince Charles could
marry if he wanted to inherit the Crown of England. In
the Churches of God, your parents have the privilege of sanctifying
your marriage, as this study will show. Why
would you want it any other way?
This
is Satan’s World right now. Everything
we see has been tainted by Satan’s ideas for centuries.
As such, we should be careful in how we approach the most important
decision we will ever make. That
concerns who and how we choose to date, enter a betrothal,
and eventually marry. The world has
a new media and Hollywood to promote its ideas.
Basically, the worldly idea presented is to pursue self and self-worth.
The message is to have a career and enjoy free sex and control your own
life. The message is to not let
others push you around and make your own decisions and choices.
These all sound good but they are the tools of Satan in the fragmentation
of families and society.
There are untold soap operas glorifying men and women who choose what to
do with their bodies and with who and when to have sex.
Bedhopping is portrayed as healthy and normal.
Speaking of sex, “Sex and the City.” is
one television show that glorifies young women in total control of their lives
and having sex all over the place at their time and choosing.
They have their cake and eat it too.
Of course, the reality of such lifestyles is not really explored.
It really helps to have a staff of writers who can make everything come
out right. In life such is not the
case.
As
a father of daughters, I can truthfully say that there is an element of truth to the world’s concept of the need for women to
have a career. Yes, a woman had
better pursue a career for a few years before becoming married today.
A woman needs to know she can make it financially on her own.
This assumes the woman has trained for marketable skills.
A woman needs to have this ability to go at life by herself if she needs
too. If she is too dependent upon
another, she might not leave an abusive situation. Anyone trying to get a woman to skip this phase of life is
really looking to control her, rather
than love her.
Please
note that the above paragraph no where means to imply that a young woman or
older woman should try to emotionally survive on her own.
People were designed to live together in marriage.
It has never been God’s intention to separate families. Becoming financially successful nowhere compromises the need
to have a person’s own family sanctify
your relationship with a prospective mate.
The need to think in terms of WE,
not Me, are still there.
The
high divorce rates in the Churches of God speak
for the situation. Something is
wrong. Could it be possible that
the people involved have not approached dating
and betrothal correctly or with the right
understanding? It is a hard pill to
swallow, but could it just be possible that God’s
Way has been pushed under the table and not addressed concerning dating
and betrothal?
I know this will not set well with most Church of God young people or
adults for that matter, but I would simply ask: What really is your authority in
life? Is it the Bible?
Have you diligently studied the matter in a prayerful manner for
yourself? Or, do you just go along
with the crowd? Is it possible that
you have bought into the customs of Babylon concerning dating
and betrothal?
If not, can you justify your position from the Bible, not human
reasoning? If God’s
Way has not been tried, what will you do about it if you are in the
Church of God? Have you just
accepted some minister’s explanation as fact without examining the topic in
light of the whole Bible? Yes,
wolves are allowed to coexist within the Churches of God.
There
is authority and government inside the intimate families
of God’s People and these families
support and respect that system. In
the February 1986 Good News magazine, Mr. George M. Kackos reviews the traditional
Church of God teaching regarding this governmental system and authority.
The article addressing these issues is called You CAN Have a Happy Family!
People would do well to remember that they might choose to follow a
system of logic, which will not produce a happy family.
This article is one of a number of topics written about over the years
that touch of issues of authority within a family.
We
are called to a way of life, different from the world’s customs. The People of God are to come out of Spiritual Babylon. Young
people, dating and betrothal
have guidelines regulating how to approach this important phase of your life.
After creating humans, God’s Way of
life had been rejected to the point that human life had to
be almost stamped out in Genesis 6:12.
Dating and betrothal
had degenerated by this time in history as had all other understanding of this unique
way of life.
Many years later, God again gave His way
of life to a slave people in Egypt. In
Exodus 4:22-23 these slave people were described as His
firstborn of Royalty. Today,
under the New Covenant we are supposed to follow a life style which will write
God’s way, His Royal Law, on our hearts.
Hebrews
10:16 This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says
the Lord, I will put my law’s into their
hearts, and in their minds will I write them.
Just
as the laws governing royalty in Britain have not changed, neither has God’s Royal Law.
You must ascend to your inheritance
according to this law or not at all. Respect
for your parents and their role in your life is not optional.
There are no shortcuts in dating and betrothal.
If your parents and family ever are in
the role of vetoing a relationship, you had better pay attention.
Hosea 8:9 Like a wild donkey looking for a mate, they have gone up to Assyria.
The book of Hosea describes a reprobate relationship. Do you wish to have God look upon your marriage and view it as taking a wife of harlotry as described in Hosea 1:2? As a young lady in God’s Church, do you want to depart from the way of the Lord spoken of in this verse? Do you want God to look upon your marriage as one of harlotry? If not, you need to understand God’s Way of life. As a young man will you push forward to have your way. You need to remember that God is not amused by such thing. The young ladies in the church are his daughters and you just do not approach the King’s daughters at your own time and for your good pleasure.
Chapter 5 2/11/02