CHAPTER
3
Ecclesiastes
4:6
(NKJV) Better a handful with quietness
Than
both hands full, together with toil and grasping for the wind.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NKJV) Though one may be overpowered by another, two can
withstand him.
And
a threefold
cord is not quickly broken.
1 Corinthians 14:33 (NKJV) For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace,
as in all churches of the saints.
CHAPTER 3: Charity
To
briefly review here, the Bible shows marriage as the primary bond of any
society. It is the foundation of
social life. Before there can be a
society, there must be families.
And before a family, there has to exist
a marriage, at least to have a family, which
will produce godly offspring, according to God’s perspective.
From the beginning, a marriage was a bond between two people (a male and
a female). When we think of Bible
examples of marriage, we naturally think of the famous couples of the Bible.
We think of Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and
Rachel, and Ruth and Boaz, Esther and the king, and Joseph and Mary.
Before we finish this study, all of these famous couples and their
lifestyles will be examined. The lifestyles of these famous couples set a biblical example
for us to follow when questions arise concerning principles in dating,
betrothal, and eventually marriage.
In later chapters of this study we will examine all of these couples and
see dating and betrothal
from God’s point of view and way of life.
Using
the Bible’s descriptions of these couples (along with passages of clear
teaching about marriage), we can develop a healthy perspective of what marriage
should be. This includes its basic
components, which are: (1) divine institution, (2) companionship, (3) romantic
relationship, (4) sexual union, (5) covenant, (6) joint livelihood, (7)
parenting, and (8) a shared relationship with Jesus Christ and the Father.
Marriages which meet the biblical standards are quite involved and quite
complicated. The foundation on
which all additional images of marriages are based is the basic principle that
"in marriage, two become one."
Let’s
review a fundamental scripture which shows this.
Matthew
19:3-6 (NKJ) -
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it
lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" 4 And He
answered and said unto them, "Have you not read that He who made them at
the beginning ‘made them male and female.’ [We see that it was God who
instituted it.] 5 And said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So
then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined
together, let not man separate." [Or, "put asunder" KJV]
There
is biblical imagery of joining which
plays a central role in the purpose of marriage. Husband and wife are joined
together by God. The general
framework in which the Bible places marriage is an institution by God.
Marriage was God’s idea for the human race—to teach us the type of
relationship that the church will have with Christ.
But on the physical plane, there are definite patterns this joining
process should follow. There is a
role of two families, a most important role
that is pictured in the Bible. The
respective roles involve biblical protocol, rules if you will, which govern how
a marriage is approached and finalized. Human
traditions may or may not have anything to do with this biblical protocol.
Human traditions, which people try to incorporate into Church of God
traditions and doctrine should at the very least be highly suspect
until they pass a biblical examination.
It
is important to understand the basic rule of all in the husband/wife and family
relationship. When God first created man on earth, He ordained the marriage
union. The marriage and family
institution is basic in God’s purpose for man.
Human beings and marriage were thus created together.
Marriage was never instituted by man, nor by the authority of any
man-made legislative body. Marriage
was NOT instituted by any physical
entity.
Yes,
there are civil codes regulating marriage, divorce, and authority over children
in our society but the fact that there are these codes really is meaningless.
There are codes regulating a legal age of consent and when people may
elope without legal consequence. These
are not biblical ideas. Age of
consent is just a product of human reasoning.
This study hopes to show that whatever
customs man has created, really do not have much to do with divine authority and institutions.
After
marriage there are no longer two people in a natural or spiritual sense.
Rather, they are "one flesh"—one unit.
God is a Family of Persons; and He is
reproducing Himself. Learning
faithfulness in marriage and the family
relationship is one of the reasons for our existence. The purpose for the marriage relationship is so that we may
ultimately enter God’s Kingdom. Therefore,
the marriage relationship is a very important relationship!
God
is The Divine
Family.
The family relationship of man is a
husband and a wife relationship, and that demands faithfulness to the
matrimonial covenant. Human
marriage is the "type" of the Divine
Marriage Setting of God’s Kingdom on earth.
Therefore, it is extremely important that it be done correctly, and
properly. Likewise a family
unit involves reproduction. Children
are to be the result of that reproductive process and it is God’s intention
that these children be raised as “godly offspring.”
God
is consistent. He does not ordain
faithfulness forever in our marriage to Christ and then prepare us for that
marriage by ordaining unfaithfulness in family
relationships now. He is not
contradictory, nor the author of confusion.
So divorce and remarriage, during this preparatory period, is not a Divine
concept. God’s intent is to
prepare us for successful marriages and family
life, not to begin a family and then
experience divorce. That is why it
is so important, before marriage, to choose
the right mate (and not just jump into it, strictly by emotion).
The
reason for a marriage relationship in this human life is to prepare us—by
faithfulness now—for our future, eternal, faithful Marriage State. Our marriage and family
life should constantly remind us of our sacred relationship to Christ, as a
spouse, to a never ending Marriage to Him.
One of the most important purposes in our human lives now is that we
learn the sanctity, the sacredness, and the
permanency of the marriage bond.
Having
said all of this as review, I wish to emphasize the word “sanctity.”
Yes, a marriage has to be sanctified,
or set apart as special. Likewise, dating
and betrothal have to be sanctified.
Remember, First
Things First. This is a MISSING
DIMENSION in understanding with most of the Church of God youth today and
their parents for that matter. There
is biblical protocol and examples guiding this process.
If young people and their parents mess up at the beginning, it is very
hard to get back on track. UNWITTINGLY, they can condemn their future marriage and the lives of
future offspring to become The Forlorn Hope.
UNWITTINGLY, they will condemn
the Church of God to further fragmentation, even to a point where it might better be described as
atomization.
This is because for several decades, the leaders have not been careful
with the Entire Truth
of God as Deuteronomy 4:1-2 and Deuteronomy 8:1 admonishes. Yes, we are Spiritual Israel and we had better understand the
whole truth of God is for us as well
as it was for the Congregation in the Wilderness.
For
decades it has not been politically correct to expound on dating,
betrothal, and marriage by the biblical
procedure. I know that marriage has
been expounded upon, but there are First
Steps. There seems to have
been an undercurrent, if you will, that goes something like this.
The primary reason for the church is to Preach the Gospel as a Witness, and then Christ will come.
That is one reason for the church, but it seems to take on a life of its
own, promoting compromise here and there at the expense of learning to overcome
in many instances. The reason for sidestepping dating
and betrothal naturally, is to keep the
ever-important tithes and offerings coming in to support the work.
Truth,
is sidelined on a presumed immediacy of importance, that being, Preach
the Gospel at any cost. Turf
is defended at any cost, because a dropping of subscribers (remember you are not
members, only the board of directors are members of corporate organizations) may
mean going off several TV stations. No
matter that the doctrinal teaching prospective members come into is badly
flawed, most of the Truth is there, The
Trunk is there and Christ is coming quickly to return all Truth
anyway. Don’t get hung up on “Small
Things.” Keep
focused on the big picture. It is
Christ’s job to set doctrine straight.
There
Must Be Peace
I
am sorry folks that just does not cut it. In
dating and marriage, CUTE,
DOES NOT CUT IT. In our eternal
relationship with Christ and God the Father, Cute
Will Not Cut It either. There
is a familiar triumvirate in the teachings of Paul (Part of the Bible).
These are faith, hope, and love. In
Chapter 1 we studied the concepts of faith as it related to a system of worship,
an entire way of life and approach to God.
Hope serves as the great motivator or
energizer in our Christian Way of Life.
Without hope, it is difficult to
continue on a course and hard to be convinced of the final outcome of our quest.
Love is the goal of our way of life. There is an aspect of agape love
(godly love) that features self-denial and putting off immediate goals for long
term rewards. The purposes of this
study will focus on a specific fruit of the spirit, a product of agape love.
That specific fruit is PEACE. This study hopes to show that peace
is a necessary fruit for successful dating, betrothal,
and eventual marriage. Let’s see
how it works.
God
has not "willed" that every human must marry. It would be far better to live alone than to be yoked to what
might be an unconverted, contentious and
hateful person. God desires peace
in marriages, because the fruit of the Spirit is sown in peace.
In order for the fruit of the Spirit to develop and grow, there
must be peace. And we must
have peace in our marriages for growth there.
Everyone should take marriage so seriously that a wrong marriage is not
made in the first place. If this
truth were known by all, there would be few "miss-mated" marriages. But
Satan’s world does not have that truth, and neither does the Churches of God,
so there are many
"miss-mated"
marriages. There are many marriages
that are formed because of the wrong reasons--because of emotion or lust.
The
necessity of peace in relationships is also a
theme in the Old Testament. Isaiah
also speaks of Israel’s future salvation as a restoration of the marriage
relationship. Note this, in order
for there to be a restoration of the marriage relationship, there will have to
be a period of dating (actually known as betrothal)
in the Old Testament. It will have
to be done right or it will not work, there will be no peace.
Isaiah
54:5-8 –
"For your Maker is your husband. The LORD of hosts is His name; and your
Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel. He is called the God of the whole earth. 6
For the LORD has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved
in spirit (no peace), like a youthful wife
when you were refused," says your God. 7 "For a mere moment I have
forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. 8 With a little wrath I
hid My face from you for a moment; but with everlasting kindness I will have
mercy on you, " says the LORD, your Redeemer.
Actually,
the whole of ISAIAH 54 speaks of this. In
verse 10, the "covenant
of peace" is mentioned in connection with the marriage covenant.
So all marriages must be nurtured
in peace.
That goes with nations as well. In
order for nations to have a good relationship with God, there must be peace
involved. Consequently, the families which make up a nation must have peace
since they are the basic building blocks of a successful nation.
The
use of the marriage relationship to describe the relationship between God and
His people continues in the New Testament.
We will see this in II Corinthians 11.
The apostle Paul was concerned for the Corinthians about this
faithlessness that was causing spiritual adultery.
He said that the Corinthians may tolerate this spiritual adultery; but
that he was going to stop the false ministers who would try to make them lust
after other doctrines. Paul was
very strong in his statements about this.
II
Corinthians 11:1-4
– Oh, that you would bear with me in a little folly—and indeed you do bear
with me. 2 For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy.
For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste
virgin to Christ. 3 But I fear, lest somehow, as the serpent deceived Eve
by his craftiness, so your minds may be corrupted from the simplicity that is in
Christ. 4 For if he who comes preaches another Jesus whom we have not preached,
or if you receive a different spirit which you have not received, or a different
gospel which you have not accepted—you may well put up with it!
II
Corinthians 11:12-15
- But what I do, I will also continue to do, that I may cut off the opportunity
from those who desire an opportunity to be regarded just as we are in the things
of which they boast. 13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers,
transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. 14 And no wonder! For Satan
himself transforms himself into an angel of light. 15 Therefore it is no great
things if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of
righteousness, whose end will be according to their works.
Paul
worked hard to make the church spiritually undefiled from religious beliefs—so
that the church COULD marry Christ
and be a chaste and pure virgin. Paul
looked at this relationship as an existing betrothal.
In biblical terms, a "betrothal"
is almost the same as a marriage. A
betrothal was
the first step in marriage. It
was already a commitment of faithfulness. It
is an advanced stage of dating or what we term
“going steady”
today. Paul likened himself to kind
of a “spiritual father.”
Note
that Paul viewed this relationship as a betrothal,
and as such could be terminated. Many
parables in the New Testament point toward this possibility. Likewise, a betrothal or
dating can be terminated in the physical lives of church members today.
Mark this well, there is a
biblically based scenario for the need to terminate a dating
relationship.
There is a chain of authority for doing this and without the
participation of that line of authority, your marriage relationship will not be sanctified
in the eyes of God. The church is
either Spiritual Israel, the Israel of God, or it is not.
No amount of human-reasoning can put this aside.
Fundamental
to the success of a betrothal is peace.
The fruit of the spirit cannot be sown in an atmosphere of hostility.
There must be peace.
Does the magnificent picture become clearer?
Is your dating relationship producing peace?
Is there peace in both participant’s
physical families? Or, is there an
atmosphere of hostility and deceit? Is
someone being separated from their physical family for a cup of cold soup?
Is
the Hand of God upon you? Is your
hair falling out? Can you hold food
down? Are you becoming bitter?
Might, you be developing ulcers? If
so, you are most likely in a dating arrangement
you need to get out of. You do not
have peace.
There is no real love in your relationship.
You only think there is love. You
are setting yourself and your children up as The Forlorn Hope. The
Way of life you are pursuing is not in sync with God’s
way.
Choose
to Have a Good Marriage
In
his book, TOUGH CHOICES, Len Woods
says that we have to choose to have a good marriage.
This may seem quite obvious; but many people never make a decision to do
anything constructive in their marriages. They
never make that choice to make it a success.
They just want to be served, rather than serve others.
Likewise, in dating and betrothal
people must choose to be successful. The
families of the participants also must choose to help make the relationship
successful.
Len
Woods details SIX CHOICES we have to make in order to have a good marriage.
These choices are also made in regard to our preparation to become
( the period betrothal) the Bride of Christ.
The benefits are present both here and now, in our own marriages and in
our relationships with the brethren in the church and also in our relationship
with Jesus Christ. Likewise, these benefits and six choices will be present to
some degree in our dating and betrothal
relationships.
The
first point that he made (as far as us choosing to have a good marriage) is that
we choose to be committed to our spouse for better or for worse.
All marriages have ups and downs, good times and bad.
It is a good thing too, because a life that isn’t changing and growing
is not the kind of person that you want to spend a lifetime with.
We need a degree of excitement. We
need challenges. And we need to
work hard at making successes of our marriages.
The church is a dynamic entity. Paul
praised the Corinthians for their kindness and big-heartedness in giving at a
time of great distress.
Likewise,
all dating has ups and downs but there should
not be to many ups and downs. Dating
is not the time to be committed for life. Neither
is betrothal, otherwise the affianced Bride of
Christ would not have to overcome until the end comes. The
key is that dating and betrothal
should prove to take place in an atmosphere of peace
over a period of time, probably at least three years.
If you ever get someone pushing for marriage after a short year of dating,
you had better watch out. You are
setting up yourself and future generations to be The
Forlorn Hope.
A
classic scripture to demonstrate commitment is II Corinthians 8:1-5.
II
Corinthians 8:1-5
– Moreover, brethren, we make known to you the grace of God bestowed on the
churches of Macedonia: 2 that in a great trial of affliction the abundance of
their joy and their deep poverty abounded in the riches of their liberality. 3
For I bear witness that according to their ability, yes, and beyond their
ability, they were freely willing, 4 imploring us with much urgency that we
would receive the gift and the fellowship of the ministering to the saints. 5
And not only as we had hoped, but they first gave themselves to the Lord, and
then to us by the will of God.
Paul
used the good example of the churches of Macedonia
to exhort the Corinthians and the Christians in Acacia to the good work
of charity that they were found to have excelled in. He equated them with their great liberality, which he called
"the grace of God bestowed on the churches."
The
Christians in these parts endured terrible persecution, which had reduced them
to poverty. Yet they had an
abundance of joy in the midst of persecution.
They thrived in their liberality. That
is what Paul is talking about here in II CORINTHIANS 8. They gave of what they had, and they trusted in God to
provide for them. In this affluent
society in which we live, that is so very tough to do since we so easily get
wrapped up in the material goods.
Not
only did the Macedonians give of their poverty, but they gave a lot.
It was a large contribution that they made.
It was according to and beyond their actual power.
They gave "until it hurt."
This
is the type of loving sacrifice that makes a marriage successful. This is what we must allow God to develop in us, as we grow
in our betrothed relationship with Christ.
In any successful marriage, both spouses must, at times, go beyond their
normal power, to serve one another.
The
charity of the Macedonians was performed in the right way. First, they submitted and humbled themselves before God.
Then they gave their contributions by the will of God.
That is, according to His will
and then for His glory. They
weren’t giving it for their own glory, but for the glory of God and for His
church. This, it seems, was more
than Paul had expected or even hoped for.
Some
of the lessons that we can learn from the Macedonians that are applicable in
marriage and betrothal are these.
First, we sanctify our contributions to God’s honor by first submitting
ourselves to Him. The second one is that, by giving ourselves to God’s use,
there is no better use for us. Thirdly,
when we give ourselves to God, we then give Him all we have—to be called for,
and disposed of, according to His will. The
fourth one is that whatever we use or lay out for God, it is only giving to Him
what He has already given to us. And
the fifth lesson is that what we give will not be accepted by God, or credited
to our advantage, unless we first submit and humble ourselves to Him.
Please note, that in betrothal you will have to humble yourself to the laws and statutes
of God. If you are required by
proper authority to vacate a reprobate relationship, you will have to do it.
You do not get to pick and choose your parents and do not get to pick and
choose which statutes to obey if you truly serve God and are converted.
As hard as it may seem to believe, there is no case in the Bible for you
getting to pick and choose your mate by yourself.
It may appear to happen that way in real life. But, there is a biblical case for needing to terminate a
relationship when compatibility becomes a problem in a family, as this study
will to show.
Notice
the key words in all five of those points.
They are submitting, giving, and humbling ourselves. That is the same thing that we have to do in a betrothal.
These lessons from
II
Corinthians 8:1-5 are what make our courting relationship with God work.
These are fundamental requirements for a successful marriage with Jesus
Christ, with our physical mate, and our church brethren as well.
Submit, give, and humble ourselves.
Those are the three keys to having a successful marriage.
They are not the only "keys," but they are the main keys.
So the first point is that we choose to be committed to our spouse for
better or for worse. We make this choice! But
remember when dating and during betrothal,
you are not yet married. You are a
prospective bride (male or female gender) and that status can and may need to be
changed. These principles are
established in the New Testament parables concerning the Church’s betrothal
to Christ and they carry right into our physical relationships.
The
second point Len Woods makes is that we choose to speak or not to speak.
Good communication is a necessity, and a rarity, in most marriages.
Remember a lack of communication may just happen to your marriage.
Until the habit of good communication is formed, it won’t happen
naturally. Communication skills
must be desired, and we must choose to develop them with our mate and with our
prospective mates. We must choose
to develop our communication skills with each other as brethren.
And we must also choose to develop our communication skills with God, in
prayer. The choice is ours.
Not
only must we communicate, but also it must be in a positive and uplifting way.
It should be gentle and kind and reflect real love, agape love.
How is your communication coming with your prospective mate you are dating? Do you get
ultimatums that will strip you from your natural, physical family relationship
and leave you feeling scarred and naked? Do
you constantly get communication that emphasizes your ego and the importance of
your opinions? Be careful.
You may be setting yourself up to become The
Forlorn Hope. There is no
biblical case for separating yourself from your natural family just to become betrothed
and married.
The
church communicates with its future Husband through prayer, drawing closer to
Christ through prayer.
Philippians
4: 6-7 – Be
anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with
thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace
of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds
through Christ Jesus.
Earlier
this study established that it takes peace in
order for the fruit of the Spirit to grow in a marriage.
The betrothed church’s relationship
with Christ depends on and relies on the intimacy of our individual
communication with the present Family of God.
So the second point was that we choose to speak or not to speak.
If you are dating, choose what is spoken
to you just as carefully. Do not
let someone suck your mind dry. Being
honest is one thing, a fool another.
The
third point the author brought out [regarding choosing to have a good marriage]
was that we choose to make our house a home.
The benefits of a loving home, a haven from the pressures of the world,
and a place of comfort is what most families
are looking for. When one person is
overly burdened with a task, there is a lack of joy for the whole family.
When all the members of a family share
in the care of the home, there is a spirit of togetherness as well as a more
smoothly run home. So everyone has
to work together to make the house a home.
And it is something that we have to choose to do.
It will not come automatically.
The
church is supposed to be a safe haven from the cares of this world.
To run smoothly, it requires that everyone pitch in to care for one
another and to do the work. The church is working to enter a home. Notice John
14:1-3
John
14:1-3 –
"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me
[Jesus Christ]. 2 In My Father’s house
are many mansions [or offices, or rooms]; if it were not so, I would have told
you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be
also.
Jesus
Christ is already preparing His
Father’s house to be a home—a home for us as the future Bride of Christ.
Likewise, your parents have prepared you a home.
Your physical father wishes to establish you in life and as continual
member of his family here and now.
Why would you want to leave your home?
This is possibly the best example of reprobate thinking that surfaces
during dating and betrothal.
That is why long betrothals are the best
idea. Sometimes it takes awhile to really
learn what someone is thinking and what they and their family
are really like. If you qualify to
enter the God Family, you will be part of many divine persons but One
Family. You will coexist in peace.
You do not just leave your family when you are married and become a
separate entity. If you have to do
this to become married, your family is either
reprobate or you are in a relationship which may keep you out of the Kingdom of
God.
To
have a home, we have to be there often. If
we are hardly ever there, it is not our home.
My wife and I have reared out children on a working ranch.
The ranch and its way of life is an integral part of our home.
The land is important to the children.
They have a bond with it and understand it is part of their physical inheritance. But, there
is a spiritual side to an inheritance
within a family. Just as there is a spiritual aspect of our relationship with
Jesus Christ, there is a need to keep a spiritual bond with your physical family.
There
is a theory floating around the United States and Western World today that
stresses the need to gain independence. A
coming of legal age and maturity some call it.
Others would describe it as reaching the point you can make adult
decisions. Be careful.
You may be about to buy The Lie. You could be
about to partake of The Tree of the
Knowledge of Good and Evil. The
fruit of a society that stresses these values is exactly what we see in our
country today. High divorce rates,
scattered families, and parents in nursing homes.
Ask these spiritual giants who teach these things to show you the case
they make, from scripture. It is
not there.
The
Bible teaches you that two become one. They
form an independent unit but they do not leave “Their Father’s House” so to speak.
In fact, they had to remain in tribes to keep from being killed by other
gentiles under Satan’s sway during Old Testament times.
If you totally leave your Fathers
House today, you will probably be spiritually slaughtered by the customs of
modern Babylon. The Bible shows how
a young man is established under his father’s guidance and within his gates.
If you wait until you are financially secure to get married you will
probably not get married. If you wait to long, until you are set in your ways you will
not be malleable clay. You will
make a self- centered, horrible mate. You
do not leave Your Father’s House or
try to get your prospective mate to leave theirs in a spiritual sense.
Why would you want to leave Your
Father’s house? Choose peace,
Choose to make your house a home. Choose
to make two families blessed by the union of
their children, not to make one family
desolate, maybe yours.
Extending
this principle farther, after you are married and the marriage is sanctified
or blessed by both families involved, you actually are then in two houses.
Why would you want to leave your Father-in-Law’s
House? You should be a member
of both families, both houses.
Why not do it right the first time and have two
families sanctifying your
marriage?
The
fourth point that the author brought out was that we choose to marry the whole
family. For many people,
this is very difficult but I feel it is by far the most important.
I am very thankful because I don’t have a hard time of that, and I feel
very blessed. Like it or not, when
you marry, you also marry your spouse’s family.
You must realize that many of the qualities that you love in your spouse
come from the parents. For twenty years or so, before you came on the scene, your
in-laws had the greatest influence on your spouse. Likewise, in a proper betrothal
you may see characteristics after a period of time, which are not good
qualities. Take your time.
Yes,
the Bible is clear about leaving your parents when you marry; but you should
seek to have a peaceful loving relationship
with your parents, and in-laws, as well. They
are family too. Remember the proverbs
beginning this chapter from Ecclesiastes. If
you are part of a close family and someone
tries to tempt you away from that relationship, chances are you are being
deceived. You are about to become
part of The Forlorn Hope.
Ephesians
4:1-6 – I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of
the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness,
with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the
unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace
[There’s that "peace" again.]. 4
There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your
calling; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all who is
above all, and through all, and in your all.
When
we are married, we become one, and that is part of the lesson that we are
learning in our marriages here on earth. We
have a responsibility of bearing patiently with the idiosyncrasies, the faults,
and sicknesses of others. This
verse requires a humble spirit and a good attitude when we feel provoked by
others. It seems that no virtue is
more frequently demanded in our contact with others.
Many
people have a temperament different from our own.
There are many different personalities.
They have their own plans and purposes of life, and their own way and
time of doing things. They may be
naturally irritable. Or it may be
they are sick. The differences are
infinite.
We
are always making choices. We make
choices to have a good marriage, or we make a choice to have a bad one.
If we don’t make a choice to have a good marriage, then we have
already—by default—made the choice to have a bad marriage.
So it takes effort. It takes
effort in our dating and betrothal.
We have to choose to have peace in this
process. We have to choose where our loyalties lie.
Will you sell your inheritance (physical and spiritual) for a bowl of cold soup?
In
order for life to move on peacefully, we have
to learn to "bear and forbear."
So the point there is that we choose to marry the whole
family. Remember that the whole
family has many, many idiosyncrasies; and many different likes and
dislikes; and many different ways of approaching things.
You do not just go about betrothal with
the attitude, “Well they will just have to get used to it.”
Surprise, it does not have to work that way.
What if
your family will not sanctify your upcoming marriage?
What are the consequences?
Post
Hoc Analysis
We
make many choices in our life, but we should never make the choice to dishonor
and show disrespect to our parents. The
prodigal son/daughter did this and suffered the consequences. The key is love, agape love, or charity as the Bible puts it.
The focus of this paper is on dating and betrothal
in preparation for marriage. While
marriage is talked about a great deal, the focus and practical application is on
the First Step, betrothal.
Paul sums the situation up in I Corinthians 13:4-8.
I
Corinthians 13:4-8
– Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade
itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is
not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in
the truth; 7 bears all things, hopes all
things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.
The
key is peace.
In dating and betrothal
you must have peace.
If you do not have peace now, how can
you expect to in the future if you go ahead and start living with someone
without the sanctification of God and
your parents.
Is
someone trying to bully you into leaving your family?
Do you have a family you have been
close to for twenty or more years and then find someone or some other family
is slowly dragging you away with no biblical foundation?
What have they done to you, and how have they scarred you?
Do you have peace?
What possible rationale will you come up with to justify a reprobate
position?
Remember,
you reap what you sow.
Walk
up to the counter and hold out your cup:
“One
small bowl of cold soup please. I’ll
take tomato if you have it. Otherwise,
any old flavor will do.”
1
Corinthians 14:33 For
God is not the author of confusion, but of peace,
as in all churches of the saints.
GO ON TO
CHAPTER 4